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Election News Burps: Election Day #2

Posted by albear on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 1:47:54 PM

ELECTION UPDATE #1

Barack Obama voted early in Illinois: How confident is Barack Obama? He’s told ACORN they can knock off their ballot stuffing early today.

Sarah Palin voted before the sun came up in Wasilla. Of course, if she waited until the sun came up she'd be there 'til March.

Barack Obama tells MTV he’s against gay marriage, but also against California’s Proposition 8 which would define marriage as union between a man and a woman.  What skill. Most politicians have to wait to get to the end of a sentence before flip-flopping.

Barack Obama got testy with reporters who followed him when he went trick-or-treating with his daughter. The trouble started when he forced other children to hand over their candy to kids too lazy to trick-or-treat.

John McCain was on Saturday Night Live along with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.  Fey must have been believable. Anonymous McCain aides blamed Fey for the skit not being absolutely hilarious.

 

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Election Day News Burps!

Posted by albear on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 1:41:47 PM
Will try to post jokes all day long as election day goes...but first, from last night...

Election Day. It’s all over, but for the voting…and the lawsuits, and the accusations, and the laying of blame, and the establishment of 2012 exploration committees, and the…

Barack Obama maintains the lead in polls, but John McCain insists he’s still going to win. And by win he means return to his hot zillionaire wife with the beer distribution company.

The white grandma Barack Obama compared to Reverend Wright during the primaries has passed away. And no, it was not from injuries sustained this summer when he threw her under the bus.

In newly discovered audio tape, Barack Obama expresses his plans to bankrupt coal companies and send electric bills sky high.  Who cares, as long as he looks good in that Inaugural tux?

At a campaign event, Joe Biden said, “girl-girls are tougher than girl boys.”  Unfortunately, he was not speaking through an interpreter, so we have no idea what the heck he meant.

Sarah Palin was the victim of a prank call by Canadian DJ’s pretending to be the French President.  The jocks were very believable. In fact, during the call they offered to surrender the French Riviera to Alaska. 

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The Winning Image

Posted by albear on Thursday, October 02, 2008 1:53:12 PM
We know two things from the primary season: 1) McCain loves being the underdog and finishing strong. 2) Obama couldn't really close the deal. He won only because of delegates accrued before anyone really knew anything. Spin all you want, my dear democratic friends, but the more democrats looked at Obama the less they liked. So you've got one candidate who gets stronger the longer you look versus one who gets weaker the longer you look. Moving to VP, what do we know? We've got one guy who's got Washington Insider tattooed on his forehead versus a woman who's so far "Outside the Beltway" her state isn't even attached to the rest of us. You've got somebody who's been a public figure for decades without making a cultural dent versus somebody who in a matter of days is the stuff of SNL legend. Now, we all know congress is as dysfunctional as the Spears family and a lot less productive. We know the government's not working right and the cosy Washington-Wall Street relationship makes "Dirty Sexy Money" look like "The Brady Bunch." So now imagine the two tickets heading down Pennsylvania Avenue. You've got Obama-Biden. Is there anything at all in their records --or even personas --that suggests they'd shake things up? Now, picture the same image, but this time it's McCain-Palin marching towards Capital Hill. Doesn't something rise in you that says, "Oh, yeah. It's ON"? Can't you sense the Capitol building quaking? Knees on K Street shaking? Bureaucrats along the route straightening up, hoping the duo doesn't look their way? That, friends, is an image of victory.
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My First Townhall Blog: Debate Night

Posted by albear on Friday, September 26, 2008 2:11:36 PM
If you haven't heard, McCain and Obama will be debating tonight. Forget Russia or Iran, the biggest issue they face at this hour is "Do I go with the red tie or the yellow tie?"  Tonight, while content will play its part, it's the imagery that'll carry the day. Does Obama "look" and "sound" presidential? Does McCain look like he's going to keel over?  Will Obama be wearing the flag pins he's suddenly taken a shine to? Will McCain drag a travel bag on stage to make the point he'll be back on the plane before Keith, Campbell and Katie have a chance to tell America how horrible he did?  
It is exciting, and face it, McCain's made it more so.  For all of Obama's Hollywood glitz, it's McCain who knows drama better than TNT.   
So what do I expect tonight?  The events of the past 48 hours have made the likelihood of a straightforward foreign policy debate go as haywire as David Blaine's "Dive of Death" finale. Which means expect the unexpected. Which means an element of chaos. Which means Obama is playing on McCain's turf.  
Now, how does the bailout play out tonight?   If there's a deal that improves on the original, McCain looks like a genius. If there isn't a deal and Obama tries blaming McCain, McCain says, "Yeah, the original sucked, and the American people know it." McCain looks like a hero.  If there's a framework of a deal that both Obama and McCain can live with and support, America breaths a sigh of relief and the two can get to bashing each other over foreign policy.  
No matter what, Republicans and Democrats can agree on one thing:  It'll make for better TV viewing than the new "Knight Rider." 
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