Barack Obama has been elected the 44^th President of the United States.  Then why did McCain seem to be the happier one?

Barack Obama will become this nation’s first African-American President. Oh, who we kidding. Oprah’s been running this country for years.

I pray health and protection for our new President. And that the likes of Rev. Wright and Jesse Jackson, et al, will come out and say, "Gee, maybe America isn't as racist as we thought."  

It was the biggest turnout in history. Obama even got more votes than David Cook!

President Bush immediately called the President-Elect to congratulate him on an "awesome night." "Thank you, Mr. President," said Obama, "It was an honor running against you."

John McCain gave a gracious, even eloquent concession speech.  In fact, it was so moving, Hillary said, "Wow. Maybe I should do one now too!"

Jesse Jackson was spotted in the crowd at Grant Park weeping. "It shoulda been me! It shoulda been me!"

And finally, Sarah Palin was philosophical: "On the bright side, now I get to go on Oprah!" 

ELECTION UPDATE #1

Barack Obama voted early in Illinois: How confident is Barack Obama? He’s told ACORN they can knock off their ballot stuffing early today.

Sarah Palin voted before the sun came up in Wasilla. Of course, if she waited until the sun came up she'd be there 'til March.

Barack Obama tells MTV he’s against gay marriage, but also against California’s Proposition 8 which would define marriage as union between a man and a woman.  What skill. Most politicians have to wait to get to the end of a sentence before flip-flopping.

Barack Obama got testy with reporters who followed him when he went trick-or-treating with his daughter. The trouble started when he forced other children to hand over their candy to kids too lazy to trick-or-treat.

John McCain was on Saturday Night Live along with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.  Fey must have been believable. Anonymous McCain aides blamed Fey for the skit not being absolutely hilarious.